Remember that 1988 song…with the chorus — “Joy and pain…are like sunshine and rain..”
(by Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock)
I was 8 years old. Truth be told, I wasn’t allowed to listen to popular music back then, just classical and religious music. So it wasn’t until many years later, in the underground club/rave circuit, that I actually heard Joy and Pain for the first time. And those lyrics have stuck with me ever since.
A Yogi Bhajan quote mimics the same idea:
For every beautiful thing,
you have to pass through a valley of hardship.
There is no liberation without labor.
There is no freedom which is free.
#TruthBomb
The truth always sticks to us, whether we like it or not.
This is why I believe being crappy can actually help ya become happy. They’re two sides of the same coin. One can not exist without the other.
In order to fully dive into joy, we must feel and process the pain when it arises.
Most of the time, I’m pretty darn happy…probably because I spent so many years living in and with constant physical pain. I still have pain.If I don’t do a meditation and movement practice DAILY, I’m in pain. That’s the gift of my car accident. It keeps me in the present moment.
People have doubted the sincerity of my happiness. “You’re just faking it so that people will want to be around you.”
Ummm…no.
When I’m sad, trust me, I’m sad. I’m just usually not the person who will call you to tell you I’m sad. Tallking it out doesn’t work for me. Taking about my sadness just spins the energy round and round, making me drown in confusion.
What works for me is to FEEL the sadness. Feeling helps me release it. I have to face my sadness and look my demons in the eye. Only then do they disappear.
Like this past May, when my puppy, Ellie, died at just 11 months old. Silly me, I took her off of pet insurance because she was “healthy and a puppy” and I was moving and thought Id’ save the $50/month for a few months. Well, that $100 of savings ended up costing me $3000. I kept thinking – she’s just a puppy. We have to figure out what’s wrong with her. Several vets, several specialists, including a Neurologist at the VCA, an insane amounts of tests, scans, XRAYs, ultrasounds, and meds (antibiotics and steroids), later, and no one ever figured it out. My sweet Ellie died with my hand on her heart. I felt her shudder as she expressed her last breath. Still makes me cry. I gave so much of myself to her. I loved her with all my heart.
If you follow me on Instagram (@yogawitharia), you would’ve seen my Ellie posts. You would’ve seen my tears. I was raw and open with my sorrow. I didn’t try to hide it.
And because I’m usually so positive and happy, I had people ask me if I was OK.
Yup. I’m OK. I’m just feeling.
Kinda strange that our world doesn’t seem to honor the process of feeling sadness. We cover it up. Here – have a drink. Have a smoke. Go out. Talk to someone. Watch a show. Drown it in distraction. Take some meds. (disclaimer – not saying that any of the above is a bad thing, but it can be overused.)
I have to FEEL. Without FEELING my sorrow, how can I ever be free of it? How in the world can I truly appreciate our JOY?
When I give myself space to FEEl and GRIEVE, I don’t stay sad for long because it’s a gift be ALIVE, and I appreciate every single moment.
What’s the secret to happiness, I’ve been asked.?
I can tell you what it’s not.
It’s not focusing on being happy.
It’s not through positive affirmations that I don’t <feel> inside of me.
It’s not through drinking or smoking or any other addiction/distraction.
For me, it’s having lived with pain. Pain has made me happy. Because even when I am in pain, I am reminded that , back in 1986,I could have been dead. But I’m ALIVE.
And WOW – when I’m not in pain, does it feel GOOD to be out of pain. That’s part of the reason I became a yoga teacher. Yoga helped me exit pain and I love to share that. It’s why I’m motivated to wake up early and do my movement practice every day. Why live with pain and on pain meds when I can move and be mostly pain free?
My brother, who just finished chemo and radiation, expressed the same thing to me the other day. “Ya know, it feels good just not to be in pain,” he laughed. “Isn’t it funny how that happens? Not being in pain is enough to make me really happy.”
He’s right.
So maybe here’s a new pice of info for most of you: Both my mom and brother are going through different cancer journeys this year. I don’t care to share details because it is THEIR journey and not mine. But suffice to say, neither is easy.
My friend, Ed, told me the other day – “Are you just going – WTF, Universe? First your knee, then your mom, then your brother, then your knee – again, and then Ellie?”
“I dunno, Eddy,” I answered. “I guess I’m just asking for the balance on that.” I’ve had so much to process this last year and a half, from my the remnants of my car accident coming to shake me and my life, to my family becoming ill, then Ellie. I know it’s making me stronger in who I am. “I’m asking the Universe for balance, now. I’ve had a lot of stuff happen, most of it not easy. Now I’m inviting the good.”I’m ready for the good.
And ya know what?
Regardless, it’s the PAIN that has brought me JOY. I believe that without looking into the darkness, I may never have appreciated the light. Without suffering, I may never truly appreciate what not suffering is.
I’m not sure how that translates to you. I hope you don’t have to go through all the pain I’ve gone through to become happy. We each have our own path.
Gratitude, and being Present. Those are my secrets to Happiness.
On a side note — I’m writing you from Carmax in Oxnard, where I just sold my Prius and am found the perfect used white JEEP at a dealership next door.
15 years driving a Prius, one of the ugliest (and most practical) cars in the Universe. I’m so done, done, done!